Dating after divorce has to be one of the scariest most intimidating, yet exciting experience that I’ve had at this point in my life. I know you’re probably thinking, “Intimidating and scary I get, but why exciting?” Exciting because I don’t know! There is so much great potential in the “newness” of dating and that’s all I’m focused on, “great potential”. My hopes run on high through everything. Worst case rarely occurs to me until it happens and it rarely does. So even though my divorce was a really horrible experience, it was over and there was nothing I wanted to do about it. Elsa said it best, “Let it go.” The future was bright from where I was standing. I was excited about the entire idea of the “new” experience. Knowing, as I do now, I had every reason to be.
Dating got off to a very rocky start. My first date, I ended up in a bathroom, sitting on the toilet, fully clothe in tears. The guy I was with gently tapped on the door to ask if I was ok. I sat there in tears and told him I was. I was not.
I went on a second date with someone a bit older than me. He had a daughter that was only four years younger than I was. He was an absolute gentlemen, but it became very apparent, very quickly that he did not have his sh!t together at all. I was not interested in walking out of my own soap opera drama and into another person’s drama.
I remember the Monday after our date on Saturday he called me and was like “What’s up shorty; what are you up to?” I responded, “Not much, just cooking with my family. What are you up to?” He then tells me, “Chilling at the beach with my ni**as, drinking, hollerin at the shortys”. My response was, “Oh, well sounds like you’re having a lot of fun, I think you should get back to that.” And that was the last time I heard from him.
I must admit, I was quickly turned off by that experience but I was not discouraged. I retired the entire plan of looking for someone to date and prayed instead for the Universe to show me something different than what I had experienced; the things that were turning me away from the excitement I had initially been looking forward to. Guess what, the Universe never fails to deliver a pure and genuine request.
The Best things about Dating after my Divorce
- First off, I have an amazing new perspective on dating. I was divorced at 28 so one of my favorite things about dating at this age was the new age range of the guys that were interested in dating me. I hadn’t dated since I was 21. Then, I was pretty limited to my age group. There were just too few older guys that were interest in seriously dating a 21 year old girl.
- At this point in my life, I know a lot more about myself. I know what is important to me. I have a realistic image of my ideal relationship based on the experience of the stuff I didn’t like so much and on all the new things I’d learned about myself, which is very different than what is normally accepted. I’m OK with that.
- I am more likely to be myself and to openly share my thoughts and feelings without considering too much about what my date (or anyone else for that matter) might think of me. My male friends warned me against this but in my mind I am like, you know this about me and you still like me, so why wouldn’t the next guy. And if he doesn’t, then he’s just not the one. Moving right along. . .
- I have no expectations of a long term relationship, marriage, or building a family so I am more likely to take my time. If it happens to turn down that path then I’ll take it as it comes. It used to be that every guy I considered dating, I’d size him up in my head and determine whether I wanted to date him based on whether he might be marriage material. With all the changes that I’ve been through, that sounds utterly ridiculous to me now.
- FREE FOOD! And new adventures. Since my divorce, I have done a lot of going out on dates. I meet more guys who want to show me a good time just for the companionship no matter how brief, and feed me because I love to eat. The combination of knowing more about who I am, feeling at liberty to be who I am, and not holding myself or anyone else to any expectations has opened up a world of adventure. Besides every guy loves a pretty girl with a big heart.
I am absolutely enjoying every single moment of dating after divorce.