“You’re a beautiful, intelligent, seemingly sensible woman.”
And I am, although sensibility may be relative.
This is not something I am concerned with personally per se, but rather a question I’ve been asked several times (more than twice) over the last eight weeks. I usually give some vague, totally untrue answer, but after about the fourth time, I decided to give it some serious thought and come up with a real possible explanation. And I really did give it some serious thought as you shall soon see. My mind has this magical way of picking out things that relate to my life or things that just ring true to me (mostly through books and essays that I’ve read), and meshing it all together to the point where a person will either say, “Your mind works beautifully,” or “And how did you come up with all that?,” or “What the what!?”. The first response is very rare but more common than I initially suspected. But anyway, I say all that to say, this is some version if that.
So after much speculation, I came up with two well thought out reasons to why I am still single. Please read them in order, but I’ll tell you now; the second explanation is by far my favorite.
The first reason is very simple however, it has to be explained;
I have my priorities in order.
Yes, very much so. Here’s why I say so. . .
After making a graceful exit from my former employment, I decided to make a career change which left me with the tasks of training for my new career as well as finding a greater form of earning an income. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, my personal needs (priorities) dropped
So from a psychology perspective, I have my priorities in order, and love and belonging is just not a priority for me right now which is extremely true. While this is true, I am a woman who innately seeks balance, I never completely exist at a single level so my personal Maslow’s pyramid would be more likely to contain percentages at each level, totaling 100, according to what’s happening in my life. Like right now I might be 30% Physiological, 30% Safety, just cause I only recently started a new job so I’m more concerned with providing for myself and my children and making sure we are safe. But while I do go on dates, my concern for love and belonging is very low at maybe 5% (if even). Therefore, not being single is just not important to me right now, even when I say it is. I date with the goal of finding someone compatible to build a committed relationship with, without taking dating so seriously. 🤔
This then leads me to my second explanation.
You know how it takes more energy to earn or save a million dollars than it does to earn or save a thousand or even a hundred. Well, this is where I am. I’m saving for a million. I’m putting my energy into earning a million. I didn’t before, and in the words of my late great Big Daddy, “He wasn’t a nickel’s worth of good.” 😂😂😂😂
And we all know that when you learn better, you do better. This is me taking the time and energy do
It may not be the kind of energy you are thinking of as I put more feeling/intentions rather than thought/expectation into it. It’s not a matter of what he has, (dimples, nice abs, a college degree, his own home) or what he does/has done but rather, that he IS or IS not, quite simply, for me. Whether we have chemistry (this word gets used too loosely). Chemistry is not simple, “Oh, do we have a bunch of crap in common?” or “Oh, does this person have everything that I’m looking for in a significant other?”. With chemistry this person could have none of the attributes you are looking for and still be everything you desire. Because, it’s more than that; it’s passion. It is not something you can create or build. It is either there or it isn’t. Same as what they tell you when you’re choosing a career, but how many of use truly choose a career we’re passionate about? Way too few. . .my point exactly.
My single (no kids) friends joke that I can do this because I already have children and I don’t have to concern myself with biological clocks and such. . .I suppose, if you place a time perspective on something that could happen in an instant.
So yeah, if it’s not there then it’s not there and I keep it moving. And thus, I just haven’t found a “one” of “the ones” because you gotta know there is a possibility of there being more than just one for all of my fellow polyamorist (my word for polyamorous individuals).
While I could speculate on other reasons, I won’t because that is something I have the desire to invest neither my time nor energy.
There you have it, not being single is not a priority for me right now. So in the meantime, I’m investing my greatest desires and my absolute best intentions into finding the ideal relationship and this my friends is the reason that I am still single.
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